Year 1994... A sense of hopelessness and gloom was writ large on everybody's face in the family.. Reason.. Rubina (my Mamu;s daughter) was going through a very turbulent phase, her marriage had failed miserably only in about 2 years and as in every failed marriage the onus was to lie on the fairer sex by her husband, who in all respects didn't deserve her. I always knew Rubina from a distance though we were first cousins, she was always the quiet one. She always carried herself with a certain amount of dignity, which was markedly visible in her personality. Distance also maintains dignity and this was the case with us. I respected her for the way she carried herself after her brief marriage ended. An infant daughter, Anam, in here arms she acquired a stony silence about any questions that arose to her future. She was indeed made of strong material which few possess and even fewer maintain it. Nonetheless her life centered around continuing studies, working first as a teacher and then in a bank and again back to teaching. She completed her Post graduation during the first few years in her starkest period of life, the period when people weave and realize their dreams, she was just moving about with no remorse of any broken dreams on her face. Though I did read her face a couple of times. I remember her first image of loneliness which I saw in 1995, it was my wedding day and I had walked down the aisle and was seated next to my bride and gave a cursory glance around the hall. I saw her seated with a year old Anam seated in the first row of guests, she was looking at me and I complimented her glance with a smile and she replied it with a faint one. Wearing an electric blue pure silk printed saree, she was looking as radiant and serene as she ever was. She had accepted her fate and there was no regret whatsoever in her demeanor yet she had a sad face, her eyes revealed her inner despair. When I came down the stage to greet people, I being an elder to her, she was about to get up to greet me but I stopped her from doing so, as there as Anam sleeping in her laps.
A decade passed away, i would hear about her, there was actually nothing much to hear to as nothing had changed in her life. Of course, Anam was growing rapidly and Rubina had adapted to her fate and entered into a comfort zone from where it was very difficult for her parents to convince her about a second marriage. Her father would often argue - 'What will happen to her once I pass away? Who will look after her?" She did not agree or succumb to the pressure. She would say that she is not alone, her Anam is with her.
But life has many uncertain moments and it comes out of the blue and we have to live it, accept it. Life opened a door of companionship for her and she got married to Mehmmod bhai. I knew Mehmood bhai quite well as he was is related to Qaiser Bhai, a cousin of my mom. Mehmood bhai being a very generous man, I admired him for being the way he was. Rubina was lucky at last as I could see her happy with Mehmood bhai. He had provided her the life that every girl desires to have and she had two children from him.
Rubina would always complain that I seldom visited her home. I would always say that I would surely come one day but that day never came. I never came out of my routine life and never broke the huge castle of abandonment that I built around myself. Though this had got nothing to do with her but I know she like everybody else never liked me being so high and dry in my aloofness. But that did not stop her from coming to my house. She would invariably bump on a Thursday or Friday evening and initially would grumble that she would stop coming to me if I do not come to her house. She would be very vocal in her displeasure and I would say that she was right in her argument as I am very much wrong in being away from everybody. Somehow the distance maintained from my side though at times she would be coaxed at times by her husband to visit me. Her last phone call was before going for Hajj.
A decade passed away, i would hear about her, there was actually nothing much to hear to as nothing had changed in her life. Of course, Anam was growing rapidly and Rubina had adapted to her fate and entered into a comfort zone from where it was very difficult for her parents to convince her about a second marriage. Her father would often argue - 'What will happen to her once I pass away? Who will look after her?" She did not agree or succumb to the pressure. She would say that she is not alone, her Anam is with her.
But life has many uncertain moments and it comes out of the blue and we have to live it, accept it. Life opened a door of companionship for her and she got married to Mehmmod bhai. I knew Mehmood bhai quite well as he was is related to Qaiser Bhai, a cousin of my mom. Mehmood bhai being a very generous man, I admired him for being the way he was. Rubina was lucky at last as I could see her happy with Mehmood bhai. He had provided her the life that every girl desires to have and she had two children from him.
Rubina would always complain that I seldom visited her home. I would always say that I would surely come one day but that day never came. I never came out of my routine life and never broke the huge castle of abandonment that I built around myself. Though this had got nothing to do with her but I know she like everybody else never liked me being so high and dry in my aloofness. But that did not stop her from coming to my house. She would invariably bump on a Thursday or Friday evening and initially would grumble that she would stop coming to me if I do not come to her house. She would be very vocal in her displeasure and I would say that she was right in her argument as I am very much wrong in being away from everybody. Somehow the distance maintained from my side though at times she would be coaxed at times by her husband to visit me. Her last phone call was before going for Hajj.
I made my last call to her when she was in hospital undergoing chemotherapy. I knew she could make it, after all she is made of strong stuff.
Last week, Rubina passed away due to a terminal illness, in her 30's she was quite young to die, living a short life which had given her very few years of happiness; The distance that was always maintained between us become indefinitely distant, she passed away into eternity.
RIP... Rubina !!!
(First written on APRIL 15, 2012)
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